Bob Cavanagh : counselling.gen.nz

I am a member of the NZ Association of Counsellors and a Director in the organisation ‘Counselling and Psychotherapy Associates’ located at 1 Thorndon Quay, by the bus station.I am on the Family Court list for couples, whether married, in civil union or in de facto relationships, who can obtain free counselling sessions with me through the Family Court.

Most of my work is with couples who are wanting to improve and deepen their relationship, or have somehow become disconnected, maybe through bickering or fighting, just grown apart and lost their way together, and might be trying to save their relationship.My work with couples uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach.

The focus is on changing neqative behaviour patterns or cycles that drive couples apart. Couples in distressed relationships tend to repeat negative behaviour cycles.

• The most common cycle occurs when one partner demands, criticises and gets angry and the other partner defends and withdraws. This is called the ‘pursue-withdraw’ pattern.
• EFT then helps understand this negative cycle.  Pursuers who ‘nag, criticise, and blame’ are protesting about loss of connection or unfairness, of not being heard or valued or appreciated, and want their partner to respond, be attentive and hear them. And withdrawing which is experienced by the pursuer ‘rejection, not caring and shutting them out’ occurs when the withdrawer doesn’t ‘hear’ the intention or message of the pursuer, and withdraws, usually with some form of effort to avoid such things as feeling criticised, controlled, inadequate, and somehow try to protect themselves or not make the disconnection and conflict any worse.  In fact it just makes things worse!  And the more one does what they do, the more the other does what they do…round and around!

Please contact me if you would like to make an appointment or would like to just discuss making one...